It took 40 years to look & feel this good...but who's counting?

BIRTHDAYS are the happiest and saddest moments in life. It reminds us of transitions and changes, rites of passage we had of the past and our unrelenting journey towards the future.

When I think of all these, I CRY.

I cry for all the times that I should have cried but didn’t. I cry for lost loves and lost lives, new-found loves and friendships and all the ‘crossing overs’ which I did and was happy that I did them. I cry for happy and sad times…blissful and moving moments. And days from now–I will definitely cry again…

I AM TURNING 40 ON JANUARY 27!

Turning 40 is big! If in the past few years, I have partied big time, this year must be really bigger! But since birthdays are about changes, I have CHANGED my mind.

The original plan was to gather 40 people closest to my heart in Vieux Chalet (a Swiss French getaway in the tranquil hills of Antipolo) and do a "mini-concert". I will bring together my friends from the zipping and maybe firedance there; friends from the Irish band we’re forming this year (yes, I'm the ONLY FILIPINA who plays the Irish tin whistle!) and jam; plus a brief tapdance have my “happy feet” enchant the audience.

Then I thought of something else and told myself: THIS YEAR, IT WILL NOT BE ABOUT ME!

Thus I have made up my mind NOT TO PARTY. After all, there are other shorelines to explore and one of them is having a DIFFERENT birthday party which I am planning to celebrate with 40 STREETCHILDREN OF THE LAURA VICUNA FOUNDATION IN CUBAO, QUEZON CITY.

As a past pupil of a Salesian school, this is my way of “LOOKING FORWARD AND GIVING BACK” thus a charity birthday bash is all set for January 31, 2009 (Saturday and incidentally “Don Bosco Day”). I will bring some of my friends—and their kids—to an "immersion" there, personally headline a feeding and give out 40 schoolbags with school supplies, personal hygiene necessities and stuff to co-celebrate my joy.

As early as December, “gifts” have started to pour in. Some of my ever-supportive friends and relatives have given donations (in cash or in kind) for the children. Those who I haven’t even seen for the past five years or so, surprised me with donations. Other friends either offered to entertain the kids: a friend will bring a clown-magician, a choir group will sing, my writing colleagues offered to do my AVP and of course, I’m going to zip, tap and play with my Irish band...whew! There are those who volunteered to help out during this milestone event and I am just so overwhelmed!

I am asking for prayers for SERENITY (despite my solitude), WISDOM (for more prolific writing years), HEALTH of mind, body and spirit plus a condo unit of my own (sorry i just had to squeeze this in!hahaha!). But from my angle, everything right now is just way beyond belief!

Yes, there are other shorelines to explore. The ride may be tough but I hold a promise in my heart that it may also be sweet. And with a little help from people like you pushing me to, once again, “trailblaze” as I always do…this pleasure of stillness, this peace, will allow me to move smoothly with the ebb and flow of life.

Despite still being fun, feisty, fearless and quirky at 40, I am going to surrender peacefully to the ripples and tidal waves of life knowing that as a lighthousekeeper, I will be forever anchored to my shore—a signature of truly growing up (nope, not “growing old”) and growing wiser.

Join me then—in spirit and in prayer—as I celebrate. And laugh…AND CRY.

HEY, I’M TURNING 40! AND I WILL DEFINITELY CRY FOR THE 14,610 SUNRISES THAT I AM GIVEN!

…still I rise!jeanscequina…writer…poi pixie…peaceful warrior…lighthousekeeper!(mcmlxix)